Nothing is more nerve racking!!! 002

I absolutely love pontificating "HoW to MakE mOney" but I struggle with the execution proving that thesis. I mean like... every. fucking. time.
 cash pile
When an idea pops into my head, a fury of research ensues that mesmorizes me. I develop tunnel vision around how I found a "hoLe" in the market. My condition is so bad that I often wonder "wHy nO One haS fIgurEd thIS Out Yet?" I think I am so smart.
So what happens next is a disciplined approach to outlining a business plan. Not Really! I do all the math and research in about 1 night and spend the next two months putting money into this or that trying to build this thing and then it will start to hit me "THis DoEsnT SEEm LiKe mUCH Fun". The next part is awful and I mean AWFUL!
 youtube screenshot
At first I didn't understand how other people made it look so easy. I've spent my entire adult life in some crazy chase for something. I mean a house, a job, cars,... You name it and I probably thought I was gonna own it someday.( i sTilL FuckINg Do By ThE wAy ) 
Look, the worst part is moving away from a situation and trying to assess that kind of damage is the most nerve racking part. Basically you are having to choose something and it is painful because you have leveraged so much emotionally or physically or BOTH with any change costing you significantly more in either or both. It is going to hurt to get out of it or stay in it. 
book and orange juice
I personally have never been able to make the choice of staying. Self-acclaimed to be highly intelligent, malleable, and resourceful but never one to talk about love much or deep family connections. I believe in them. I have very few of them. 
 
Listen, the most nerve racking part is not recognizing who you are with self-awareness. If you don't like something don't make yourself crazy trying to fake it or feel bad because you can't meet someone else's fucking standard. 
 
Once you realize that... Life changes 
 
I have a singular commitment to myself to do only what I want to do. If I have to do something then I will only do it so long as I HAVE to! I love my life and I'm living that shit on my own terms.

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